It’s a pdf, but someone else typed them up, so I don’t have to finish that project, hehe.
Share and enjoy, with all sincerity and affection in Christ.
It’s a pdf, but someone else typed them up, so I don’t have to finish that project, hehe.
Share and enjoy, with all sincerity and affection in Christ.
To begin this series, I’ll start with discussing a post by someone blogging as “Girl with a Dragonfly Tattoo”. It’s part of some interminable series on Proverbs 31, the love of Christian women everywhere. I love the Proverbs 31 wife too, she’s a comfort and joy to read about along with all the other idealized portraits in the Bible. It’s nice to see an ideal written up. But it’s an ideal. She’s not a real human woman like Miriam or Leah or even mother of God Mary.
Anyway, the basic overview is typical for Red Pill Women. You’re supposed to get up super early, that part about servants is meaningless. There’s of course no *real* obstacles to early rising, you just have to want to be holy enough! She even references her mother as an early riser, because five year old children are great recordkeepers.
But more to my core points, she references *rich people who use stimulants and have paid staff* as her model for what housewives nursing and getting pregnant frequently should do to be more productive. This is pretty typical of Red Pill Women. They do the same thing the men they identify with do of hyperfocusing on a narrow group of privileged people as if they are the norm. Only here SAHMs are supposed to behave like male executives on amphetamines who have wives, nannies and secretaries and personal assistants. But the SAHM is NOT supposed to have those things, oh no!
Because a maid is “unimaginable luxury”. Yes, in this TLDR; post about the Proverbs 31 wife, the OP conveniently declares the servant verses to be metaphorical, but the rising early verses to be worth charts and figures and paragraphs of hectoring. But fifty bucks every other week so you can stay on top of the household cleaning more easily and have a little free time to try that getting up early? UNIMAGINABLE LUXURY. And clearly a teenage homeschooled girl coming over every other morning so you can be a little more rested on known busy days, well, that isn’t even in her blog post. Even though teenaged nursemaids are a thing, historically.
Red Pill Women don’t appear to be aware there are any other women in the Bible except this one imaginary one and then they ignore the fact that she is a wealthy man’s wife and almost certainly the daughter of a wealthy man as well with her own dowered property/jewels/livestock. The point of this fictional wife was to emphasize the rarity, the uncommonness. Such a woman is supposed to be rarer than rubies, a beautiful ideal. She isn’t supposed to have all her qualities peeled away and converted into exciting new ways to overwork married mothers of young children and deny them the historical levels of other-women support they used to have in the patriarchal days of yore.
I even agree with “Girl With A Dragonfly Tattoo” about the importance of sleep. But you know what? The average SAHM simply isn’t given the resources to get a full night’s sleep and “go to bed earlier” doesn’t work if you’re combining it with “do whatever your husband wants”. A lot of men want to stay up late to relax. You can read old books and see that this is just part of the beautiful sex differences men and women have. Women used to be allowed to go on to bed on their own so that they could get some extra sleep.
But the Red Pill says that this would not be submissive, respectful, etc. Essentially all the “tips” she suggests on how to get more sleep assume some or all of a husband who wants to go to bed early every night, kids who sleep well whether nursed or formula fed, kids widely spaced (4+ years apart), fewer than three kids, no special needs kids, a husband who doesn’t want to use electronics or television after hours, and the ability to have private areas to focus on self-care such as the basics of the female toilet and hygiene. I can keep going, but my point is that under the current anti-social setup most housewives have, her tips and tricks *WILL NOT WORK* for months to years on end. One bad sleeper can trigger responses in the female body that include phantom screaming or lowered ability to sleep deeply.
So she wants SAHMs to be as productive as executives functioning on very little sleep, but without their resources. And yet if a woman does prioritize getting that sleep, she’s still somehow a badwife, since she chooses for her example of getting more sleep a woman who didn’t get up early to serve her husband and slept in instead. Broad social norms are antimatter for Red Pill Women. But they are the only way women can be protected enough to do their work and serve and love their husbands and families in a consistent way.
Something that goes very unremarked is how many generations we’ve had of pornography exposure being a significant male rite of passage in America. And how government funding injected enough cash into the industry to industrialize its production. You can start a timeline with World War II, in which pornography was distributed as an alternative to camp followers and the “gifts” they brought (mostly venereal disease, but also babies). There were millions of young men exposed to pornography in a mostly or all-male environment. Then, after seeing hundreds and thousands of pictures of women dressed even less discreetly than the picture opening this post and doing way more than what that lady is, they went home to wives and future wives.
That was the Greatest Generation.
Their sons got exposed a little earlier, magazines under the bed, late teens high school bonding. But it was already normalized as something a young man might want to do. It was acceptable fringe. Not to mention their sons were coming of age in the middle of “free love”. There was now some idea that it might be ok to try a few of those things in the magazines out before marriage, just not with the girl you planned to marry.
Well, we all have a pretty good idea how the Boomers and Silents handled the influences of mass pornography getting even more normalized and mainstream in their young adulthood.
They were the swingers and nudists and the earliest waves of what is now called “polyamory” on the secular fringe. On the Christian-inflected fringe side, they were Flirty Fishers and sisterwivers in the 1970s and 1980s. There was also the acceptable fringe of taking your date to a pornographic theater, although now that is moving more into Generation X.
It’s hard to accept, but these were the parents of the Millennials and Generation X. And this is just part one. Part two is going to note what the consequences were to those Millennials and Gen X’ers.
Might also want to notice that this is an early example of managerialism and modern efficiency thinking, too.
I am spreading the signal for this good cause. This really brilliant woman has a good summary with donation links. This is the donation page:
If you can spare something, please do. If not, keep passing the link along.
Goal was met! Yay!
From a tweet by “hbdchick“, a tantalizing excerpt of an essay by Peter Laslett, who researched the structure of the Western European (particularly English) family for decades. He’s one of the reasons I talk about the domestic help aspect of family formation, even as alt-right (and regular right) types ignore that when declaiming about how the nuclear family is a staple of certain kinds of white people. I’d put Laslett’s more exhaustive work on the back burner, but I think it may have to move up in the old queue. Below I’ve reposted the excerpt with the important bit at the end highlighted.
By ‘family structure’ many things may be intended. I shall take it here in two senses. First, in the sense of composition of the co-resident domestic group, as the historical sociologists call it. This means the knot of persons who live together, man, wife and sometimes, but by no means always, their children, their relatives, if any, along with their servants, now excessively rare. Such is the family which the wage-earner leaves when he catches his bus in the morning to go to work, and which he returns to in the evening. It is also the assemblage of possessions which the bachelor girl or the solitary widower or divorcee calls a home, along with himself or herself. A modest array of this kind is the constitution of the family for very large numbers of Western Europeans in the 1980s. The family in the second sense is the extended family of cousins, aunts, uncles and so on who are recognised, and sometimes associated with, but do not live together in the same place.
I am concerned here with family in both these senses, historically, over time. This is not only because of the interest people have in their family history: but also because it has now been shown that unless we have some knowledge of the history of the family, the family of today, of our own personal experience, can be profoundly misunderstood. For the fact is that in the matter of the family we have suffered, and still suffer, from a series of persistent, deceptive, obfuscating misbeliefs which can only be shown up and corrected by a knowledge of the past.
This self-deception about the history of the family has particularly affected Western Europeans. Frenchmen, Germans or Englishmen, unless they have come across the work of recent historical sociologists, are likely to believe the following. That the co-resident familial group in the past, at least up to the point of industrialisation, was large and complicated, with several generations living together. Furthermore, that this comfortable, kin-enfolding, welfare-providing family group not only nurtured the young, but took in their spouses when they married, and also provided them with shelter and succour when they became old or suffered other misfortunes. That the family in the sense of extended kin was a further source of welfare. It seems to be supposed that before the days of the Welfare State it was the family and kin which rescued social casualties. Now all this has turned out to be untrue.
Untrue, that is to say, in a literal sense and for the particular part of Western Europe which first became industrialised and which has given what might be called industrial culture to the rest of the world. By this North-West Europe, especially the British Isles, Northern France, the Low Countries and Scandinavia, is meant. In this cultural region family groups had been simple in composition and quite modest in size for many centuries before industrialisation. Married children only seldom lived with their parents, and two couples in one family household were quite unusual. It is true that the family group has become much smaller in the 20th century, servants have disappeared, and solitary living has grown enormously in our own day: but this did not happen during the process of industrialisation as ‘traditional society’ gave way to ‘modern society’ and cannot be called a transition to the ‘nuclear family’. The ‘nuclear family’ was there already.
The kin composition of the English family group was much as it is today in the 16th century, and had been so since the 1300s, the 1200s or even earlier, but with one very important structural difference. Servants lived in large numbers of families, and the presence of servants made the family groups of the rich large, and the family groups of the poor correspondingly small. In this area of the West, moreover, welfare never flowed along lines of kinship. The casualties of the system, the widows, the orphans, the poverty-stricken, were supported by the collectivity rather than the family.
The implications, needless to say, are pretty major. Hbdchick has a London Review of Books subscription and I do not as yet, so she reproduced a different excerpt mentioning very high servant turnover and that the lifetime servant was more of a literary device than an ongoing reality.
This is interesting, because due to labor shortage and some other historical quirks, the longtime or lifelong servant did exist in various forms in America and Canada all the way into the first half of the 20th century. Likewise, the nuclear family in its frontier-isolated and later suburban form could not exist without the Industrial Revolution’s massive infusions of radical new technology and mass production. So on the one hand, “the nuclear family has always been part of Western Europe”, but on the other hand, the people who came to America transmuted it along radical lines that were not reflected in the old country’s version of it.
And more to the point, as my title for this post notes, it’s not the same to say that appliances are your servants, even if they were devised as a replacement. They are not a true replacement for all that.
T.W.O. works hard to provide a roof and food for us, for our livestock and poultry, and for our household employees. He even finds the time to lift big and post gains, when not indulging in other bagatelles.
I often feel frustrated, but it’s only because I have to complete the progression from planning 36 hours per day of work to planning merely ten.
I write about problems online because I have the resources, support and love to talk about them and occasionally make it to discussing possible solutions and strategies for coping when solutions aren’t possible or feasible.
I do what women have always done when they have that privilege. And I rejoice in the fact that I get to be one of those women when my ancestors (of both Nordic and Negro sides, quiet as that’s kept) were often the women providing the means for other women to do so.
I have a half-finished post briefly outlining that men bringing pornography consumption into their marriages has been part of American married life since World War II. This of course goes against the narrative that men are “driven” to seek out pornography because mean mean wives are withholding sex as a tool of control and dominance. But the historical evidence is on the side of the man bringing the habit into the marriage and retroactively blaming the wife when the sex life goes awry.
“Missing Stair” is a reference from a promoter of deviant sexuality discussing the shocking fact that when you devote your free time to obsessively pursuing a sexual fetish, the subculture you create attracts predators and abusers like flies to fresh manure. The missing stair is the way that the subculture coalesces around the abusers to work around their abusive tendencies and still keep pursuing the other forms of deviance as a group.
This working around a bad actor can occur outside the world of sexually deviant subcultures, and it does occur in settings that are not themselves “missing stairs” to the culture at large.
Which brings me to this post. Pornography is a huge elephant in the room regarding sexual marriage dynamics and pretending it’s harmless or trivial because “it’s just pictures/video” illustrates just how deep the corruption and protection of evil to feed unrepentant depravity goes.
One of the issues with 2016 marriages is that they involve men and women who came of age just as pre-teen pornography exposure became something that was easy to do accidentally and very easy to do intentionally.
From the male side, when men are exposed from age 9 or 10 to frequent graphic sexual imagery of women, it’s disorienting at best for them to step outside and go to a shop. The female store clerk isn’t…behaving correctly. Neither are the women chatting to each other by the cereal aisle wearing the…right clothing. Or…behaving correctly. And forget talking to a girl, it’s almost offputting because she just isn’t behaving according to what you are used to women doing constantly for hours per day in multiple browser windows and screens.
And this is at best. Many men respond to this disorientation by resenting or even hating regular women for not acting like erotic automata.
Christian ministries around pornography are trying to grapple with something that is in some ways more serious than regular brothel visits or having a mistress. The ladies in the brothel and the mistresses are, after all, actual women who will slip up and act normally sometimes in the course of things.
The missing stair here is of course the idea that the plastic unreality of the porn women is safer, less sinful, perhaps even not a sin within a marriage. I certainly hope one might see the problem with this reasoning. Women doing that sort of thing are at best having natural feminine impulses distorted all out of human recognition and reduced to strange and increasingly perverse transactional assaults on the senses. And at worst they’re being drugged and physically coerced into participation.
Any Christian man saying that some women should exist in this plastic evil world so some men can pretend their wives are the obstacle to an ordered and chaste married sex life is promoting sin and evil and maneuvering around an entire missing staircase of sin.