In terms of historical American norms, it’s been normal to Do It All at an upper-middle level, it’s been normal to have (white OR black, native-born OR immigrant) domestic help to do it, it’s been normal to be a college mom, it’s been normal to not be one. The difficulty is that these groups of women have been co-existing every step of the way. So teasing out how to take the good and ditch the bad from our ancestresses is a delicate and sticky business.
In Dune, 3% was the critical-mass number to terraform Arrakis into a human-friendly planet instead of a total-desert one. That’s often about the right number for tails to wag social-norm dogs in American society, too.